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The personal web page of Dr.Dick Richards MD

Age and Sex

 

 

                                            DR.RICHARD  SILURIAN MD

                                                     ---AGE and SEX---

                                                   _________________

 

                                               How YOU Can Achieve a

                                            Longer and Stronger Sex Life.

                                                                   *

                                           A Comprehensive Guide to Sex

                                          in Middle and Older Age Groups.

 

                                                                *  *  *

                                         'AN ASTONISHING EYE-OPENER!'

 

                                                                *  *  *

 

                                                                    ©

                                    British Library and Library of Congress Registered

                                               ISB Number: 1 874069 15 8                        

                                                                      *

                                                   BabyShoe Publications.

                                                       No.1, CT13 9DL

                                                              England.

 

 

 

                                        Contents:

 

                           Introduction

                           Statement of Intent

 

                          Chapter One   :   Love and Sex,.. the Connection

 

                          Chapter Two   :   Overview

   

                          Chapter Three :   Age,.. Blight or Blessing

 

                          Chapter Four  :   Come Back Sex,.. all is forgiven

 

                          Chapter Five  :   So, What Did You Expect?

 

                          Chapter Six   :   Advanced Sex

 

                          Chapter Seven :   The Cooling Nest

 

                          Chapter Eight :   Erotic Age

 

                          Chapter Nine  :   The Healthy Appetite

 

                          Chapter Ten   :   The Magical Extras

 

                          Conclusion,.. and Parting Thoughts

                                                                 *  *  *

                INTRODUCTION

 

This  is  an  unusual  book,...  a  very  special volume.   It  deals openly and candidly  with subject  material  that  is  rarely  seen  in print,... material  that offends some, is ignored by many,... but affects all. As such  it merits that the basic platform of the book, the standpoint of its writer, and the terms of reference and aims, are explained at the very start.

 

               STATEMENT OF INTENT

 

The  book  will, throughout, deliberately and unashamedly advocate the maximum enjoyment of sex with the most wholehearted indulgence and the positive  relishing  of  its  endless and varied delights. At the same time  it  has  a  basic premise,.. an aim to promote the enormous benefits and safeties  of long-term relationships founded on fidelity and devotion.

The motive for this is not some kind of romantic-idealistic view of sexual philosophy. It is because the vital association of sex and fidelity comprises a biological blue-print for success and survival in a world growing increasingly overcrowded and hazardous.

With this constantly in  mind the  overall  aim  is  to  explain and dismiss myths and nonsense that taint  the  question  of  sex and age, and to achieve a more balanced, unblemished, mutual and,.. yes, more natural, form of both life and sex as these are available to the no-longer-young person.

 

                                                                  *  *  *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER ONE:  

                                           Love and Sex,.. the Connection

 

Love,..  They  say  that  Love  is  like Measles,.. all the worse when it comes later in life!

Well,  you  can  argue  that little witticism as much as you like. But this  book  is here to tell you one very practical thing. Whatever you say  or think about love in later life, its other side, namely sex, is the  exact  opposite. For sex is all the better when it comes later in life.

There  is  an astonishing old load of myths surrounding the subject of sex;  we shall deal with and demolish lots of them later on. And there is a  concentration  of  nonsensical ideas that are associated especially with  the  idea of sex during the after-youth phase. They too are long overdue for a spot of demolition work.

For the blunt truth of the matter is that youthful sex, the dewy-fresh approach  of teenage innocence,.. where that can still be found,.. the beefy,  brash,  steam-bath  sex  of  the adolescent, even the wayward wanderings  of early adulthood,.. all of these are nothing better than mere beginners in the overall panoply of sex. There is no truer phrase than that life begins  at  forty,..  and that is true of sex-life too. However, it is only after fifty that sex really starts its greatest phase of all. And even then there remain a few ifs and buts.

Nevertheless, let us make the standpoint of this book perfectly plain. The  basic  premise  here  is  that  sex is a good, happy, natural and wholesome  business  and  deserves  every  encouragement. Sadly, it is often  ruined by wrong attitudes and disablingly inaccurate education. Social  features  and  religious  taboos  also  contribute.  It is not generally  known  that  millions of marriages in Western society today are  never  consummated. They are, throughout their duration, totally sexless.  The  partners in these sterile arrangements are commonly too ashamed, too shy or too confused even to discuss their problems. Doctors are  embarrassed, counsellors unaware, other members of the community ignorant.  Yet  for  these  married  celibates  there is no sex. Other couples  have  the  kind  of  sex  which  is  limited, grudging, often furtive,.. and drastically unrewarding.

That  is  a  lamentable state of affairs to exist in these early years of the Twenty First Century.

                       

                                                          *  *  *

Sex,..  the  natural repository of that overwhelming,  universal urge to reproduce,  is  perhaps  the most fundamental and impelling feature of all  animal,  and  therefore  human,  behaviour.  As  sex  is beset and encompassed  by  all  the  taboos, ignorance and restrictive mystiques that have been ingrained and re-enforced since infancy, there has been ensured  a massive repression of this most profound urge,.. a positive triumph  of what we have termed sexophistry.

 

Such a situation comprises one of the  best possible examples of the old paradox,.. what happens when an irresistible  force  strikes  an immovable object. The result, in humans,  is  usually  a state of unresolved conflict,.. utter confusion and  a  failure  to  cope  with  or  even  face  the problem or find a solution.  As  a consequence, in many instances, the final response is to   back   off,..   to   encourage   disinterest,..  to  curtail  the problematical  sex-life even at the expense of foregoing its pleasures altogether.

In  young  people  this  is the state of affairs so often encountered. Ignorant  and puzzled, they acquire little experience of sex and never develop the comforts of familiar confidence. When love sweeps them off their   feet  the  sexual  urge  overpowers  everything  else  and  it triumphs,..  but, just for a while. Soon after the bursting enthusiasm of  the  first, burning desire has eased, once the babies arrive, once life  settles  into  regular,  less  frenzied  patterns,  then  sexual inhibitions  re-assert  themselves.

They  may  well then last for years. A prolonged,  sterile sex-life plumbs the depths of boredom and provides the  scenario for useless friction, unhappiness and overt hostilities. Instead  of  sex  being  the life-long pleasure it can certainly be it devolves  into  at  best  a non-existent dream,.. at worst a perpetual battleground.

But  there  is  another chance. It comes from the greater balance that can  be  achieved  with  approaching maturity.  The  older  person  can  be better informed,  more  confident,  less prone to confusing conflicts. As the second  half of life is entered, there is a renewed opportunity. It is one of the hopes of this book that it will reveal that opportunity.

Too  often  in  the  past  the  pursuit  of  sexual ecstasy, great and desirable though that is, has been proclaimed at too high a price. The idea  that  all  people should be hell-bent on perpetually nibbling at the  fringe  of  the  Permissive Society has been overdone,.. often by self-appointed,  'expert'  proponents  of  sexual freedoms. One of the results  has  been an inevitable cheapening of sex,.. the idea that it and  it  alone  is the ultimate human aim.

Sex is not that, for all its undoubted  importance. And along with the headlong promiscuity has come an increase  in venereal diseases. Herpes, when it arrived a decade or so ago,  shook  the  sexual  devotees  of  the  entire  planet.  But they recovered and, after a few years, 'normal services' were resumed. Then came AIDS, a problem of infinitely greater severity and one which looks capable of  decimating  the population of the earth within the next century.

At  first  sight  it  may  seem  that  here  we  have another serious clash of principles. While sex, more and varied, is to be encouraged,.. when it is, then too comes disease   and  death  from  AIDS.  Happily  there  is  a  third  path. Pre-marital  chastity and marital monogamy are old-fashioned concepts. On  their  own  they  are  still potential disaster areas. But, they are the two prongs of the new counter-attack. For when, instead of being exercised alone,  they  are associated with an all-out onslaught on relishing and enjoying sex at  the  same  time,  they  can  and  do  triumph. In other words, the solution  to be aimed at is fabulous sex within a prolonged and stable relationship.  And  these two requirements match each other absolutely perfectly. They might have been designed for each other.

A  fresh, open attitude to sex is essential. Folk must realise that it is all kinds of  great. They must dispel the   nonsense  and  learn about  it  seriously. They must pursue  its  aims  and  become  educated  in  its  potential  and its methods. All of these yield safe, secure sex for the enlightened couple,.. all through their lives and well into their later decades.

The single, long-term relationship replaces the frequent and casual. This allows a couple  time to learn, practice and compromise. The huge repertoire of sex  can  be  sampled,  adopted, adapted, savoured. There is chance to become extremely skilled  with the chosen partner. Their and your own preferences can be observed, caused, experienced and indulged. The prestige and pride of  actually causing another's delight is a reward known to remarkably few.

A  major problem in long-term sexual relationships is boredom. Sex can become  repetitive and very boring indeed. But this is not essential. It does not have  to  be that way. The alternative is never-ending progress. Think for  a  moment  of  the average persons number of fucks in a life-long marriage.  From  say,  twenty  five  to  seventy  five,  there  is  an estimated  overall  frequency  of  around five  in every fifteen days,.. that is some six thousand all told. Now, however much you like it, if you eat your favourite food that many times in a row,.. or even wear your favourite pair of shoes, you might grow a little bored.

How very much better   to  insert  the  variety  that  rests,  relaxes,  renews  and re-invigorates. That way, the older lover learns to become the kind of person whose mid-life crisis took place at about thirty two,.. and life and  sex  have  been getting better and better all the time since. There is no more  need  to  be the kind of old couple whose only thrill is when he rubs  her  with  the  Ralgex. To borrow a saying from the motor trade, there  may  be  a lot of miles on the clock,.. but still plenty of meat on the tyres. Or, as one white-haired couple who are well-known to me put it,.. there may be a little snow on the roof,.. but there's a good, warm fire in the cellar.

 

                                                             *  *  *

To  embark  upon  this  very different route for sex in marriage there must  be  a  sustained  attack  on  crippling  myths.  As the American homespun  philosopher, Josh Billings, used to explain, 'the problem with folk is not so much  what  they don't know, but what they do know that just ain't so!' For  example,  there is no rule anywhere that says sex is only for the young  and  the able-bodied. It is time to rethink that prize piece of nonsense.  Sex  is  for  everyone  who wants it. People who are rather older,  or  who  are  even  frankly old, can still have and thoroughly enjoy sex. So can people with problems. They can overcome or get round problems.  Plenty  of handicapped folk do,.. those with arthritis, and blood pressure, those with amputations and porphyria; those with spina bifida  and  multiple  sclerosis.  Many  of  the  old, the ill and the disabled can and do have sex,.. good sex,.. and enjoy every bit of it. This is even true of those who have had cardiac and pulmonary problems. A  good guideline is, if you can walk upstairs, you can have sex. That applies to invalids, post-coronaries, multiple arthritics and many others.

It  is  unfortunate  that  the  young  and  unenlightened  often  feel uncomfortable  with  the  idea  of Mum and Dad actually fucking,.. and heaven  forbid  Grandma  and  Grandpa. There is no logic or reasons in this. Sex in the old or the injured does not taint or corrupt society. It  is  not  unhygienic,  or offensive, or in any way wrong. After all, just  because  she  is blind does that blind woman, of any age, lose the thrill  of  feeling  a  firm  hand  at  her elbow crossing the road, a strong-armed  embrace  of  her body,.. an erect penis in her hand? Not necessarily at all.

And how wrong are the misled young in their vague concept that sex is for them and not the old. How very wrong indeed. Figures show with absolute clarity that the reverse is actually the case. Although there are those with what is assessed as 'good' sex-lives (and we shall discuss that in broader detail later on), the level at which this good sex peaks is between the ages of fifty three and fifty eight. Furthermore, even in the sixty-five age group there is a higher incidence of 'good' sex-lifers than at the age group around thirty. (Note: these figures are not  precise statistics,.. they are not intended to be. They are, however, figures collected painstakingly over more than two decades by the present writer and his colleagues. Figures from these sources will feature in several places throughout this text to illustrate various significant facts.  It is of some satisfaction to the collectors that although their figures were frequently produced and published long before other, similar ones, these 'amateur' figures repeatedly displayed situations that were confirmed or only marginally differed from, by other better equipped and financed researchers, often years later).

In  order  to  achieve  this  new,  superior approach there is much to learn.  Especially  in  those  of  older  years  much  was  missed  or deliberately  excluded  from  their  education. They may not know such fundamentals  as the vital role of redness in sexual attraction,.. the significance  of the pink nipples, the penis head, the vaginal lips,.. their  own  lipstick.  They may not understand or may feel too shy for the  power  of display and posturing,.. the woman's parted thighs, the man's  flexed  muscles and springing on his toes.

Sometimes the things we use, and instinctively assume to be attractive, are in fact not so. They may be the exact opposite,.. even deliberately  contra-sexual.  For example, much of haute couture for women  tends  to  be anti-sexual, or at least anti-female-attractions. This  need not be  any  surprise  as  much of it is designed by male homosexuals. Their  underlying motivations  are  equally powerful and understandable,  but may   have  very  different instincts and aims from those of the heterosexual community. Caution is justified in all such contacts where there is potential difference due to cultural, intellectual and certainly sexual predilections.

Another  major  error  that  needs  correction concerns female orgasm. Though  all  women are  equipped  for  it  only  an estimated 50% have orgasmed by the age of 40.  This because  orgasm is, for many, a learned technique if the best is to be derived from it.

 

Ultimately one major factor is in the favour of those who, at any age, want  to  learn  and have better sex. It is invariably easier and more fun   to  pursue  pleasure  than  to  resist  it,..  (except  in  some environments  where  they  say it is harder to find temptation then to resist  it!).

The great thinkers Plato and Socrates agreed that in the Nature  of  Good  the main single factor was Intelligence,.. but that a close second  came Pleasure,.. including sensual. In general it is easier to have fun,.. and it is more fun.

This  book  will  show that sexual needs and impulses are immeasurably powerful  and  rewarding. They do not cease to be these things when the joints grow stiff and the limbs become twisted any more than does the wish to hear music, to travel or to watch television.

The  book  will  propose that man spends a lot of time cultivating his recent, loftier motives,..   and  ignoring  his  and  her  basic, millions-of-years-old  ones. This may be because the ancient overwhelming impulses are so powerful as to make both men and women feel rather afraid of them. It will  show that nevertheless these basic urges are in every one of us. They  are  animal  urges.  They  do  matter  and they matter in many ways that are scarcely  at  all  altered  by  history and geography or by the changing features  of  societies.  They  are  not  vile  or unpleasant. They are designed  by  Nature or the Almighty depending on how you see it. They are  here  and they are now. They must be used not neglected, accepted not denied, enjoyed not eschewed.

A wise English nobleman in the eighteenth century listed for his son the reasons  why  he  should,  if he needed a mistress, choose an older one. Chauvinistic  by today's tainted standards, they in fact comprise the most  excellent  good  sense.  There  is no reason why the suggestions should not similarly apply to old lovers as well as to mistresses. And even  less  reason  for them not to be best of all applied to both man and woman together within a long, happy relationship.

In  short  then this book will tell the truth about the  relevant parts of  biology and physiology, of society and sex, of problems and how to beat  them.  Of  how  very, very good sex can be, how it can be better yet,.. and how you can have lots of it.

 

                                                                 *  *  *

 

 

 

   

CHAPTER TWO:

                                       Overview

"What does it feel like to grow old?" the young man asked the old man.

The  old  man stroked his beard. "Not bad," he answered. "And for sure it’s a lot better than the only known alternative."

 

Silly  question,  smart  answer?  Age  is one of the very few absolute certainties in life. It will happen. It will increase. We will all get older  until  we are old. This is a fact we shall not seek to avoid in these  pages, but shall confront and try to instil with a new, vastly more optimistic aura.

No  one  likes  the  idea  of  age;  some simply hate it. Some fight a rear-guard  action, resisting  every  step  of  the  way. Some deny it altogether.  Some  grow  old  gracefully.

But when is age? And when is old?  In  biblical  terms  the allotted human life span of three score years  and  ten  means  that  half-way, that is middle-age, will be at around  thirty  five. Yet today we think  that ridiculous. To all but teenagers, thirty five years old is young; middle age doesn't even start  until  going  on  fifty. Yet everyone knows people who have  always  seemed  old; people who are set in their ways, staid and slow,  who  appear  to  have  had  one  foot  in the grave since their thirties.

Much  of  the matter of age is a question of role playing. Parenthood, the passing of the decades,.. thirty, forty, fifty, are stepping stones or  markers  that  imply  certain  kinds  of  behaviour influences.  There  is no infallible logic about that. The advantage of getting older is that it should go hand in glove with getting smarter. The person who is older, wiser,..  old  enough  for  this  book to matter and to be a source of enlightenment,.. the person who no longer feels guilty, ashamed, under confident  and  as small as an egg-cup,.. that is the person who will  learn,  try new things, experiment with sex and all thoughts and matters  sexual,..  who will get a new lease of life, and of sex life.

So let's look at the biology of it all,.. for biology dictates so much of what we are and what we do.

Human  nature they say, is the reason most people behave like animals! The  real  reason is that that is just what we are. Whatever the noble edifice  into  which  we  build ourselves up from our foundation, that foundation  is  and remains entirely animal. Deep down, our motivations, our  behaviour patterns and our most integral biochemistry follows the evolved  pattern  of  millions  of years of animal characteristics. We share  all  the  basic  characteristics  of life with all other living animals. Such however has been the unsurpassed success of our species, human-beings  or  Homo sapiens sapiens, that that very success can blind us to the extent that we overlook our long, animal past. Overlooking it doesn’t make it go away.

It  is  essential  when  considering  our personal likes and dislikes, our wants  and  desires,  to say nothing of our responses and impulses, to remember that man is first and foremost an animal, second a primate or ape,  and third, that he is a predatory ape. All this means that he is a  very 'high' animal, indeed so far the highest evolved animal of all. But  he  is  still,  basically,  an  animal with animal instincts that emerge  in  many  influential  ways.  [Price: £5 (GBP) or €7 (euros) or $8 (USD)]

 

[Cont.]

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